Two weeks post recital.
Two weeks post months and months of effort mounting to one hour.
I planned everything up until the recital - why didn't I plan what happened afterwards?
I completed my final recital for my masters degree on April 8, 2022 at 7:30pm. I performed two rewarding and challenging pieces: Hindemith's 1937 solo sonata and Vieuxtemps' sonata for viola and piano. I began working on both of these pieces in June of 2021 and I centered all of my practice warmups around bolstering the techniques required for each movement. Sure I had plenty of other performances during the semester, however most of these were seen as a stepping stone to the next thing or just another gig. This solo recital required a great deal of emotional output and it feels like it didn't happen, a blink of an eye simply one hour of my life.
Preparing for a performance is my second favorite aspect of being a musician. Planning my practice, writing out my long term/medium/short term goals, writing out my to do list for the day, score study, getting into the mind of a composer, amongst a plethora of other things. Performing is my top favorite part of being a musician, because I get to be a story teller and share an ephemeral moment of architecture in space and time with people. As a performer, we get to connect with people - story telling in music is the most human thing we can do. I love feeling performance anxiety, turning it in to excitement, moving through my pre-performance routine, the build up of adrenaline and the emotional release of performing the music. I run towards that.
But post-performance is my least favorite part of the whole picture. What do you do with yourself after this intense emotional affair? I feel like grieving, but I know I'm not finished working on my music. I could look straight ahead to my next performance, but then will I be allowing myself to rest? Post-performance is almost like a state of limbo that eventually you forget about. Preparation will carry you through anything, however if you aren't prepared what will carry you through?
Preparation can mean different things to different people of course - preparation, for me, means trusting the process, trusting that my memorization is there, and that through this self-trust I have a basis for musicality. Of course, preparation for another person may be an entirely different concept (whether that be positive or negative). For me, I find comfort in knowing my preparation will cushion the anxiety leading up to a performance. But after a performance, I haven't thought to set up a post-performance routine to ease my brain out of the adrenaline rush.
I am proud of the work I did, the music I played - I can say my recital was a success. I want to succeed upwards, so what I'm learning is I need to prepare a restful post-performance routine to keep my systems from falling down afterwards. What does a post-performance routine look like? I don't know yet, but I'm going to find out!
Thanks for reading x
freya
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